The cyclical ways deepen

It continues to amaze me how much my menstrual cycle truly affects my life. Even in just my moods and creative flow.

Take my most recent bleed (aka ‘my period’): I felt withdrawn, exhausted, had some physical discomforts, had some emotional release, enjoyed being in a solo cocoon, barely crossing paths with anyone, and not needing to show up for anything (this was absolutely intentional and required some preparation!).

I’m exiting that time now, coming into my late inner winter/early spring, or in more medically recognisable terms: late menstruation and early follicular. I feel tentative emotionally and energy wise, still a little like a fragile shoot that’s popping up as the warmth of spring comes around; full of life and possibilities, yet still vulnerable to harsh weather and sudden changes. 

Yet, I also feel the spark of inspiration, and a sense of ‘returning’ from the dead (menstruation can feel a little like going into a cave of death. No exaggeration here - if you know, ya know). I feel those little seeds that I planted while retreating from the world stirring, and wanting to shoot up and grow. 

The inner spring/follicular phase can be this exciting and playful and freeing part of the menstrual cycle, yet I continue my cycle awareness practices to help me keep in tune with where my energy levels are actually at, and if my body does have the strength and energy to do something; sometimes my mind is 5 steps ahead, while my body is saying “hold on, hold on, not there yet!".

I’m also amazed at where I find myself these days with my menstrual cycle awareness practice; a year ago I was struggling with the effects of huge disconnect between my body, heart, mind and my life. I’ve still a way to go, and as written in my journal recently: it’s a life-long journey, yet I’m able to recognise the journey so far. It’s been hard, and it’s been discouraging many times. 

Yet, dear reader, here I am writing these posts to share with you that the challenging moments in regards to our menstrual cycles can pass. If we allow ourselves to move through them. If we choose to grow our capacity to be with challenges, as well as growing capacity to be with moments of celebration. 

A year ago today, I didn’t know I’d be studying to become a Menstrual Cycle Coach, that I’d find support and a meaningful path in that choice, and that deepening my own relationship to my cycle would open up opportunities. Opportunities I’ve been dreaming of for years, by the way! I didn’t know that for the year of 2024 I’d make the choice of taking monthly period retreats, and that 3 months in, I would find healing and support and deep insights from honouring and tending to that intention. 

Period Retreats, or some may call them Menstrual Retreats; Moontime Retreats - used to be called ‘Red Tents’, back in the day when women would gather away from the rest of the village and bleed together, finding retreat from their usual day to day activities and responsibilities. A version of this story I heard from my friend and mentor, Sage, is that the elders and young pre-menstrual age girls of the tribes would be the one who’d care for the women who are bleeding. I remember feeling amazed, saddened and hopeful hearing that story, and how I yearned for that to be the reality once again, or a version of it. 

We still use the term “red tent” these days, and there is a resurgence of people practicing holding space for Red Tents to happen within communities. I’m curious about this line of work, as it combines some of my passions and curiosities: women’s circles, menstrual cycle, healing spaces, and honouring the sacred. 

Where are you in your journey of being in relationship with your cycle? 

What resonated or sparked something within you in this post?

What do you feel inspired to learn more about or reflect deeper on?

Reflections on Community Resilience

Some life musings on community resilience.

I’ve observed we, as a humanity, have the ability to gather in times of crisis, challenges and while navigating tough times. We have built a lot of resilience this way. Basically, we know how to get through hard times, even if in time it can wear certain people down.

I’ve been wondering about the ability to gather as a family, group, community for the sake of joy. Of having fun. Enjoying ourselves. For the most part this is usually done with the ‘help’ of alcohol and maybe even music. In some cases with drugs.

I’m learning that resilience isn’t just built by getting through hard moments, resilience is also built through learning how to be alive; with getting to experience the pleasures of life, the peacefulness of it, the vitality that is accessible to all of us.

Having lived in this current community for 10 months now, I’ve come to realise a couple of things:

1. Most of us aren’t taught the skills to navigate conflict in a way that returns us to a place of harmony and connection

2. We mostly tend to gather either out of obligation, old traditions or a need for socialising (yet can struggle with connecting with people meaningfully)

I feel a sense of yearning for spaces where people enter with the intention of connecting in meaningful ways. Where people are aware of differences and possible triggers of disconnection, yet set the intention of practicing being present and aware through the process. Where intentional pauses are a part of a conversation. Where both sides ask each other questions about each other’s experiences. Where asking “how are you?” isn’t just used as a greeting, but is asked out of genuinely wanting to know how someone is feeling in that moment.

There’s an invitation within all this, to create these spaces. To be the one to hold space for others in exploring deep and meaningful connections with people in our lives. I feel a resistance to this, feeling both a longing to be held, and feeling a fear that I’m still learning to expand my own capacities for space holding. I arrive at a stalemate quite often… Feeling the yearning to be held, while also feeling uncertain about being a space holder, or at the very least organising such a gathering.

The yearning is amplified with the knowledge that these are skills to be learnt, if change is something we wish to see. Skills that can be learnt. It just takes a courageous someone to get the ball rolling. I’m unsure if that someone is me.

What is the purpose of this blog post…

Both an expression of my current inner conflict on the matter, and perhaps as a mirror for anyone else who may be experiencing something similar. That you’ve a kindred spirit in me in this yearning and feelings of a troubled heart - for what that’s worth.

And to contribute to the inquiry of what creates sustainable and resilient communities; what creates strong and resilient individuals.

This also translates into romantic relationships. I’ve reflected a lot on my previous relationship and how at times we struggled to tend to playfulness. And how this could have supported us in times of hardships and conflict. I’ve learnt that playfulness and joy can help us rewire how we view and experience life challenges, for it invites a sense of hope, light-heartedness and optimism in times that can otherwise feel heavy and dark.

A part of my practice these days is exploring play, and the art of having fun. Whether it be on my own, or with friends. I may choose to put on some music and dance around the house, or organise a games night with friends, or skipping rather than just walking to my car, or even in being okay with acting silly when interacting with a friend.

Amazingly enough, it feels hard sometimes… The seriousness of life is deeply embedded in me, and I can walk around often carrying a heavy, pained and troubled heart. I guess that’s why it’s called a ‘practice’, because it’s not about getting it right, but more about continuing to return to the intention over and over again. Even when it feels hard.

And so my questions for you, dear reader:

1. How do you tend to playfulness in your life?

2. Do you prioritise gathering with friends and family for the sake of having fun?

3. Are you aware of the kind of connections you wish to have with people in your life?

4. How else can we tend to resilience beyond knowing how to navigate hardships?

Holistic Menstrual Health Education in Schools

I share my current processes and ponderings in regards to what is taught in schools about the menstrual cycle, as well as the education I received when I was in school.

I'm in the process of exploring a course on being a Menstrual Health Coach.

Yep, it exists! I remember sitting in the car in a random parking lot back in 2021 having just purchased a few books from a local bookstore about holistic women's health, the menstrual cycle and healing menstrual struggles (such as period pain), and looking on my phone to see if I could study this and be able to make a career out of it.

If you are new to my journey in regards to my menstrual cycle, here is a brief overview:

I began my menarche (first bleed/first period) when I was 10 years old. This means I've been bleeding for nearly 17 years. Seventeen! Nearly two decades of living in this cyclical way and I'm only still scraping the surface when it comes to learning and connecting to my cycle.

The last two decades has been filled with a lot of regular discomforts, disconnection, and fear; I would go through these monthly loops of hating my period, feeling ashamed and gross, feeling despair and alone, and being in constant anxiety about my next period. There were moments, usually around mid-cycle (ovulation time) when life felt somewhat better.

The last five years has been a roller-coaster ride with re-learning about what the menstrual cycle actually is, and continually shedding what I thought it was. The realisation there could be another experience to the one I'd been having has brought up a lot of anger, grief and hope.

"What's the big deal about the menstrual cycle"?

I'm aware there are women and menstruators out there who experience very little discomfort with their periods; who feel quite at ease about their relationship with their menstrual cycle.

My experience has been almost the opposite, and I've heard lots of stories that have reflected my own, whether in parts or in parallel likeness.

Stories of believing period pain is just a normal part of having a period.

Experiences where the menstrual cycle is seen as inconvenient or gross or a nuisance.

Hearing over and over again the disconnection between emotions, creativity, libido, physical energy and mental capacities and the menstrual cycle.

Learning and hearing what I have, I'm beginning to see the connections between a sense of disassociation, disempowerment, and the dis-ease in my fellow sisters and menstruators, and the absence of grounded and holistic relationship with our cycles.

Why the path of becoming a Menstrual Cycle Coach?

In total transparency: I'm uncertain how this path will unfold.

I've applied for a grant to help fund my tuition; I've taken the first step in the course application process; I've been practicing noticing any fears, limiting beliefs and releasing them when they arise.

And yet, those fears of this 'not working out' is very much alive within me. Perhaps because I care about the outcome. It's definitely a practice of tending to the hope, while also letting go of any expectations; in trusting if this is the path for me, the parts will align in order to support this decision and vision.

All I know, is that I came across this program two years ago - the year it was initially launched, as I recently discovered - and it wasn't the time then. This, and the fact that I'm slowly, yet surely, coming to realise I need a much more sustainable approach to life if I wish to actually thrive, and to not just be getting by pay check to pay check, from destination to destination.

Studying to become a Menstrual Cycle Coach will combine a few things:

1. My passion for holistic women's health and a more in depth learning of the menstrual cycle

2. Learning how to guide others in deepening their relationship to their own cycles

3. Having the opportunity to create a cyclical-based business where I can support my menstrual cycle and cyclical ways and not feel I need to sacrifice my health and values

So, what is the vision? What's the link to school menstrual cycle education?

As of right now, in July 2023, the vision is:

Upon completion of the course (if/when I get in), I hope to begin a research study in what is currently being taught in schools - primary, secondary, college and universities - about the menstrual cycle, and to explore what students would want to learn more about, and in what form would they wish to learn it in (ie online, in person, one on one coaching, group activities).

This will hopefully then translate into a holistic menstrual health program I can begin implementing into local and interested schools.

At the basis of it: I hope to offer safe, fun, approachable and accessible ways young girls and menstuators can learn about the menstrual cycle and guide them into connecting with it's gifts and powers.

Why have a holistic menstrual health program in schools?

All I remember from the menstrual cycle education I received from school are these:

1. I officially learnt about the menstrual cycle, outside of my family and home, in high school. As someone who started bleeding at the age of 10, it was a confusing, somewhat scary and lonely time of my life in regards to entering womanhood.

2. What I did learn in high school was very clinical and physiological based ("the egg is released from the ovaries, travels through the fallopian tube...") and it was uncomfortable to learn about it. At one point was even taught by a male teacher who basically read out what was in the subject curriculum.

3. Periods were barely spoken about, even between friends. Occasionally I may receive a sense of shy comradery when a period unexpectedly arrives and you need a pad or a tampon and end up asking someone in the bathroom if they have one for you to use.

4. Shyness, embarrassment, shame, dislike were very much linked to experiencing periods .

5. Periods were seen as the 'menstrual cycle', and not just a part of it.

6. Showing anything outside of the likeable, nice, friendly, demeanour (such as crankiness, inwardness, slowness) was either seen as 'PMS-y', 'hormonal', 'being on their period', or even weak.

I could probably list more, and yet, this probably gives you an idea of the approach, environment and education I received in school about the menstrual cycle.

I'm curious to explore what they are teaching these days, being nearly a decade since I graduated college. From what I hear, little has changed in certain places, while also noticing certain folks bringing to attention certain needs that may not be met in regards to learning about our cycles.

And so my journey begins (and continues)...

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I'm curious.

1. What has your experience been with learning about the menstrual cycle?

2. Do you feel you have a healthy relationship to your cycle and/or period? Why or why not?

3. Are you experiencing pain and discomforts and struggle to find support?

4. If you are on a similar path to me in regards to feeling passionate about menstrual health education, what would you have appreciated learning about your cycle when you were in school?

I'd love to hear your answers!

If you would like to share them, please email me at sproutingroots@proton.me with your age, and geographical location of the school you attended (city & country). Subject line "Menstrual Health Education: answers to qns".