Growing Into My Body

I started reading Sarah Durham Wilson's book Maiden to Mother a few days ago.

Her words hit home.

I wrote this down in my journal after reading a few pages. As I continued to write I had this growing sense that I was going to share it on this blog*

The necessity of women to grow into womanhood, not just through our bodies, with also with our psyches -- I've been feeling into this more and more, especially the last 3-5 years, but most definitely in the last 18 months.

I go through ebbs and flows of learning about and practicing menstrual cycle awareness. With working on healing and connecting to my feminine side. I felt this quiet settledness while I laid there on the grass, head on Sasha's leg, both of us reading our own books, enjoying the evening sun and the feel of earth beneath our bodies. Feeling the importance and necessity of continuing to practice nurturing a healthy connection and a deeper relationship with my moon cycle.

This inner compass that's been with me since I was 10 years old. The grief and anger in knowing that for 13 years (or so) of my life I believed that periods were gross; that being a woman means being second best next to a man; that my body is created for other's pleasure; that pleasure is not something I have a right to or is a 'good' thing to experience; that other women are competition, and not fellow sisters also lost in the sea of lies and pain of other people's unprocessed wounds; that my worth, life purpose, meaning and success can only be based off external factors such as other people, material items and climbing the status quo.

The joy and excitement in discovering I may not be as strong, smart, funny, sexy as other women, but I can be strong, smart, funny and sexy; that all these are just small parts of being a woman; that a kind heart and being sensitive and being quiet at times are also just as useful and valuable; that my period is part of an intelligent and wise system as old as time; that I can offer something meaningful that contributes to the world rather than my actions being born from the culture of competitiveness and projected insecurities I was conditioned to believe makes the world go round.

I feel inspired to continue exploring my "wounded Maiden" (term I learnt from Mother to Maiden)- the trapped inner girl that lives inside every woman who hasn't been initiated into womanhood through healthy and meaningful rites of passage. To continue opening up so I can receive how I can best honour the "Mother" - an archetype of the blossomed woman capable of manifesting creations, speaking up, staying strong in her boundaries, feeling trust in her body and is rooted in her purpose on this planet.

This.

This is part of my work. And I feel grateful to have arrived here, even through the trials and tribulations of my journey so far.

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*I'm still clarifying what it is about expressing on a public platform (like this blog) that attracts me. Is it from the need for other like-hearted beings? Is it from the part of me that craves to continue creating and expressing - which are both natural parts of life?

Note on the journal entry:

I edited the journal entry shared on this blog post for the purpose of grammar. The body of the post is the same as my handwritten journal entry, but with added and subtracted words for the purpose of clarity (I barely consider grammar while I'm writing in my journal as most of my writing is done in 'stream of consciousness' manner).

Disclaimer: the book mentioned in this post is not a sponsored item. I'm sharing this resource for the purpose of finding it a useful support in my life.